State of the Soul Address

The last post was just to you fill you in on what our winter break trip entailed.  For this post, i want to share with you the things that are much more important than seeing different countries.  First of all, i need to make a confession.  I realized that in most of my entries i share the positive things that are going on in my life and around me.  I do not want to deviate from this but testify to the joy, goodness, and faithfulness that He brings.  However, it is wrong for me to focus on these without admitting my struggles, dry seasons, and frustrations that come from being in a relationship and being human.  There have been many difficult times in my walk, but i see now that the joy far outweighs the trials to bring me to that point.  Like a woman who was in labor forgets the pangs of childbirth when that child is in her arms.  I have never been in childbirth nor will i admit to relating to what a woman experiences (i actually got that analogy from this good Book i've been reading), and even though it is varying in degree, it is one of the awesome ways in which He works.  But still, i want to be real with those who have been keeping up with me back home.  I have lain on my face asking for His presence to come and it doesn't.  I have laid hands on the crippled and sick asking for the reality of His power to be made known to these people and nothing happens (that i can see or at that moment).  I have devoted spending time to seeking His face and lifting up individuals and i see a regression.  There have also been times where i stray away from Him and place other things as more important.  This was true for most of my trip.  I made decisions that put other things as more important than Him, especially when my world clashed with western culture again.  I have elevated myself to the point of self-righteousness, where pride is arrogantly glaring through the haughty eyes that i would view my world through.  There are times where my faith is tainted with doubt and even when i question my security in Him.  And this is painful to admit, but i have to say it so that you can see i am a flawed man in desperate need of a Savior.  And that's what i love about Him.  He is faithful when we are faithless, so much so that His name is 'Faithful' (revelation 19:11).  He takes the broken and uses them.  He clothes them in white and puts a ring on their finger.  He calls them His children and invites them to sit at His table, to share in His joy.  He loves us so much that He puts the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead inside of us to live and abide in us.  His love is strong, His grace sufficient, and His power available to all who believe.  It's hard to focus on your inadequacies when the One Who created the heavens and the earth and spoke life into creation says, "I still love you."  It's a wonderful mystery i won't ever understand, but it's reality and i'm gonna live in it.

Even though i don't see exactly everything i hoped for (yet), i've been learning an imortant lesson.  He has been showing me to base my faith on His promises rather than on my experiences.  So i share this to dissolve any thought that i have it together and that everything's perfect over here.  The truth is i'm a mess but am still privileged to take part in His kingdom.  I'm going to keep pursuing Him and falling more in love with the One who loves me more than i can know.  And that brings me to the next thing that i wanted to address.  I'm not sure what He has planned for my future, but i feel like there is some direction and i am leaning toward a decision.  A desire in me has been building up to be equipped, poured into, and sent out again.  I can't remember if i shared this earlier, but my intention in going to beijing to hear francis chan speak was to ask about possible discipling opportunities.  Though i don't think that is what He has for me, i do believe that devoting this next season of my life to seeking His face, reading the Word, functioning in the gifts of the Spirit, and being in an environment that would challenge me to go deeper is what He is leading me to.  I would love to go to a school of ministry that could equip me in this capacity and/or be poured into by a man of God that would train and disciple me so that i can do the same to others.  I'm looking at a couple schools now, but it's a ways away and i want to be a wise steward of what He has entrusted me at this time.  Although there is still a chance, it does not look like i will be returning to China this next year.  This is difficult knowing there is a need for workers to continue the awesome work that He is doing, but i feel this is what He is leading me to.  As my supporters, friends, and family, i want to fill you in on what He is doing and also ask that you would continue to lift this decision up to Him; that He would speak and lead with clarity and provide everything needed for this to come to fruition in His timing.

I also just wanted to thank you for you lifting up my foot on this trip.  It was so much better than i could have expected and i was allowed to walk around with 16 kg on my back.  A true answer.  It has been hurting quite a bit lately though, so i ask that you would continue to remember that.

I am so appreciative of your love and support back home and i hope to share much more in detail when i see you face to face.  My return flight is now booked and i will return to fresno airport the evening of june 21.  Thank you for your pryrs and for those who have kept in contact.  I love you and ask that He would pour out his Spirit on you and give you a greater revelation of the wisdom and knowledge found only in Jesus Christ.


Requests:
1) that He would stir in the hearts of those who are to replace us this year and continue His work in our students' lives
2) that He would clearly direct and provide everything i need for this next exciting season of my life
3) that He would continue to heal my foot and allow me to walk, run, and play sports again

thank you!

sunrise from kunming airport

Long Beach, Koh Phi Phi Don

A Short (But Rather Extensive) Summary of a Most Excellent Adventure

It’s been nearly 2 weeks since we returned from our 34 day trip.  We had an amazing time traveling through Xi’an, Chengdu and Kunming in China as well as Bangkok, Koh Phi Phi and Chiang Mai in Thailand.  We were amazed with His provision throughout the whole trip as well as the many, many people He put in our path.  It was a memorable experience going from hostel to hostel and watching His hand guide us through the whole thing.  Although there were great times, there were also some rather difficult ones.  On one particular instance we arrived to the airport in Xi’an well before our 7 am flight took off, but found out that we were early by around 26 hours putting our actual flight at 7 am the next day.  But He provided by getting us a ticket 14 hours later, a good time to rest and relax in the airport, and free meals that He provided in some pretty awesome ways.  Throughout the trip Abram and I would comment to each other how we felt like we were experienced travelers judging by the way everything had gone, but we quickly realized we had no idea what going on and He was just putting us where we needed to be at the right time.  I wouldn’t have it any other way.  We were faced with other difficult decisions, one which we consistently met.  The choice between rice or noodles was a rather serious one, but we concluded that just getting both was a fairly balanced compromise.

In our travels we had tons of ‘delisherse’ food and many new friendships made.  We both agree that of all the places we visited, Chengdu was our favorite.  30 minutes after getting dropped off in the city with no clue where we were or where our hostel was we met 2 people who not only helped us find it, but walked us nearly a mile to it.  We later met up with one of them on several occasions.  The food was good and cheap, the people were laid back and friendly, and the hostel we stayed at was amazing.  From there we went to Kunming and then onto Bangkok.  We took an overnight bus down to southern Thailand not knowing where He wanted us to go, but praying that He would provide and show us.  After being dropped off at a tourist agency we decided to catch the ferry to Koh Phi Phi; a beautiful island where The Beach and Man with the Golden Gun was filmed.  Turns out it was a party island, there was no room available on the main part, and it was fairly expensive.  So we put on our backpacks, buckled our chest straps and walked along a road going up a hill to the center of the island hoping to reach the mysterious eastern shore and looking for cheap lodging along the beach.  It took longer than expected, we didn’t know where this road led, it was hot and humid, and it took a toll on my foot, but it was a beautiful walk and He provided for us with some cheap bungalows within 100 meters of the beach.  White sand and blue water made for a picturesque sunset as we finished up our day.  We had the opportunity to swim with sharks 100 meters out and go snorkeling everyday, but it weighed pretty heavy on us after a while seeing so many westerners and the immodest clothing of it all.  We were excited to leave and begin making our way up to Chiang Mai where our conference was to be held. 

After some fun adventures along the way, we arrived in Chiang Mai and met up with our much missed team as well as friends we hadn’t seen since training in Beijing.  We indulged ourselves in long awaited Burger King, McDonald’s, Mexican food and the hotel’s buffet as well as amazing Thai food.  Like I said before, the food was one of my favorite parts.  Before conference started we met up with some buddies from Qinhaungdao and rented some bikes for the afternoon.  We just started pedaling out of the city and found ourselves on a highway going to ‘who knows where.’  After a naïve attempt to cut through a neighborhood back into the city we stumbled across World Vision Chiang Mai.  So we went inside, talked with the sweet girls there and got directions back.  Turns out an hour and a half of mindless pedaling got us pretty lost.  One of the girls ended up driving slowly along the freeway while we followed close behind in our bikes.  It was a tad unnerving, but we were by now jaded to crazy traffic, all thanks due to China’s crazy drivers.  (I meant to give some background information on things about the culture like traffic in the past, but I never got around to it.  I apologize, for most of these stories can be better understood when you understand the background information.  Nonetheless, traffic in China is like Frogger, Burnout, and Crazy Taxi to those who play video games.  Unfortunately, these are not as exaggerated as you may think).  Anyways, 30 minutes of chasing this car down the freeway put us right in front of the hotel, shirts saturated with sweat and egos inflated with an awesome story (we just left out the lost part).

Conference was more than I could have hoped for.  Walking into that room the first night I was beside myself realizing that the 600 people in the room were here to worship Jesus, and we were gonna shout it at the top of our lungs.  It was SO refreshing.  I didn’t realize how much I missed the body until that night.  The rest of the week was amazing, besides over half of everybody there getting a 36 hour flu bug.  Michael Card was our guest speaker and spoke on lament.  I really can’t convey the joy, renewal, refreshment, rejuvenation, etc… that this whole conference brought to me.  It spurred me to seek after my Savior all the more.  We also heard country reports of what He is doing in these countries we serve in and the favor He is giving our organization.  Hearing these things brought such a love for Him and for this new family I became a part of that it overwhelmed me.  If anyone has a heart for the nations and would even consider teaching, I would give my highest recommendation to take part in this work.  Besides what I learned there, I met many people who are also serving and doing the work of the Father.  I continued to fall more in love with these people and realizing how blessed I am to be doing what I’m doing.

As you know, Thailand is a place reeking of sexual perversion and promiscuity.  Unfortunately, our hotel was located near a red light district, which meant being called to from the bars as we walked down the street was a normal nocturnal experience.  My heart aches for these girls and as bad as I would like to help, it is not a field I feel called into reaching.  If anyone has a heart for that there is a great, great need in Thailand.   3 of us actually went in to talk to someone, but we soon left, mainly because it was just too overwhelming.  As we were walking out we met 2 YWAMers who had a ministry reaching out to the women in these red light districts.  It was great getting to talk to them and seeing that someone cared and was putting their love into action.

Before we knew it, conference was over and we had to bid adieu to everyone.  We made our way back to Bangkok and ended up being able to visit the Foursquare Southeast Asia World Base and attended a Friday night service there.  It was great seeing people in love with Him and speaking another language.  Someone even offered to translate the message for us.  We got into our apartments at one in the morning on Sunday.  It was a surreal feeling.  I forgot about how white everything in my apartment is and how pink my walls are, not to mention deafeningly quiet.  It was a great trip, but I missed home too much and was thankful to be back and relax before school started the next Monday.

Chengdu cougars that forced us to dance with them.  Spineless...

Sunset on Long Beach, Koh Phi Phi Don